Politically correct speaking in Australia

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1) She does not get PISSED - she gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED
2) She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - she is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
3) She is not EASY - she is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
4) She is not DUMB - she is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
5) She has not BEEN AROUND - she is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
6) She is not an AIRHEAD - she is REALITY IMPAIRED.
7) She is not a BABE or a CHICK - she is a BREASTED AUSTRALIAN
8) She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - she is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
9) She does not NAG YOU - she becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
10) She is not a SLUT - she is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
11) She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - she is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
12) She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - she is a LOW COST PROVIDER.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

13) He does not have a BEER GUT - he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
14) He is not a BAD DANCER - he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
15) He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - he INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
16) He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - he prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
17) He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
18) He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - he develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
19) He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - he has SWINE EMPATHY.
20) He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
21) He is not HORNY - he is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.